Regret is something none of us want and yet there are so many things left unsaid, experiences left undone and dreams left unlived. We don’t want regrets, but we still seem to leave things undone! Why do we do that!? When we know tomorrow is not guaranteed! Regret is a suffocating emotion. It shows up in the words we didn’t say, the ‘it can wait until tomorrow’s’, and the boundaries we knew we needed and yet never set. But the truth is, if you want to know how to live a life without regrets, the answer is to stop living for a tomorrow that may never come! So, let’s look at how we can start to live for today!
Why Living With Regrets Keeps You Stuck
1. Regret Paints a Negative Picture of Yourself
Regret creates a negative image of yourself. It gets you stuck in all the things you ‘should’ have done and starts to form an identity that isn’t positive. You begin to see yourself as someone who doesn’t get things done, who is always letting you down. Examples of this are: “I should have been braver.” “I shouldn’t have been so shy.” “I should have spoken up.” We have to be careful of these sneaky thoughts because they can easily become our way of seeing ourself when they are really just situations, moments of time. We need to be able to separate ourselves from this and move forward instead of holding on. Ask yourself if any situations like this in your life could do with a reframe. Or, can you see an opportunity going forward where you can course correct and prove to yourself that you can be: brave, speak up etc. Don’t let regret keep lower your self-worth and stop you from developing into the best version of you that pushes yourself to do better everytime. Avoid regret by: Practicing self-compassion. Remember, every past experience or decision came from the awareness and tools you had available to you at the time. So, when you regret that you weren’t braver, ask yourself if you are the same person today as you were then. Recognize that we all grow as we experience life. Maybe you weren’t meant to be brave then. Maybe that was the experience you needed to be able to learn a lesson that made you stronger. And, maybe today you would react differently! Living in regret isn’t going to change anything, it will only cause you pain. So, show yourself some compassion today.
2. Regret Steals your Present Moment
You can’t be replaying the past over and over while being fully present in your life today. That means, the more you ruminate over what could have been, the more you are losing what IS. Get out of your head for a moment and ask yourself if you are fully present in your life. If you are living in regret, regret is serving as a distraction. That means the people you love, the opportunities waiting for you, and the happiness that is available to you now is all being wasted on you. And that means more regrets down the line! Avoid regret by: Choose presence over rumination! For many of us it means looking up from your phone and into the eyes of someone you love. It doesn’t take much to see that this moment has more to offer than thoughts of yesterday. Be present. Share a meal, take a walk, sing a song, take a bath. Just take it all in.
JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
3. Regret Keeps you in Fear
If you have attached your identity to a past event where you recall yourself as ‘not brave enough’ or ‘too shy’ then all your future actions will be taken from this identity. So you are now and forever more ‘not brave enough’ or ‘too shy’. This means your identity is that you can’t do the things that require the traits of bravery and confidence. This IS NOT TRUE. With self-reflection you can spot the error in this story and release it. You are not stuck with that identify that you took on from that one (or 2, or 10 experiences!). You can, at any time, decide that you are going to show up differently for yourself and release that identity and that regret. Just because you got something ‘wrong’ once in your life doesn’t mean it has to be that way everytime. Avoid regret by: Decide to choose courage over perfection. Remember that to grow requires being uncomfortable, but it is so worth it!
4. Regret Hinders Emotional Intelligence
The more you hold onto regret the more you hold yourself back from becoming emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence comes with self-exploration and honesty. When we are ‘stuck’ in old ideas and worries we cannot move forward, cannot process and grow. Carrying regret with you is like carrying a weight around with your through your life, you need to learn to release it – to put it down. Until you do, your emotions will carry that heaviness too. You carry with you: worry, doubt, anxiety – all connected to that underlying emotion of regret. Avoid regret by: Process your thoughts and emotions. There are many ways to do this such as journaling, therapy, even exercise. Journaling prompt: “What am I still holding onto that no longer serves me?”
5. Regret Steers you Off Course
It is quite common for us to live out of alignment with our own highest values, and this is a sure-fire way to find yourself living in regret. We find ourselves living a life that is ‘expected’ and wake up one day with a heart full of regret for all the things we could have done. Leaning in to your core values and reflecting on where you are heading for regret because of misalignment is a powerful process. Don’t let obligation, people pleasing, or society lead you down the wrong path – choose a life you can be proud of. Avoid regret by: Decide what your top 3-5 core values are and check in on them regularly to make sure you are living in alignment – this will ensure you keep regret in check in your life! Ask yourself:
- What matters most to me this season of my life?
- Where am I spending my time, energy, or attention that doesn’t align with that?
- What small shift can I make today to honour what really matters?
Values Beat Regrets
Living a life aligned with your values is the key lesson here. When you know who you are and you know your happiness is worth fighting for, you don’t allow yourself to live out of alignment. That is not to say that it is easy. We have been people pleasing for a long time! But, the more you see the value of being true to yourself, your emotions, your desires and your values, the more you choose you! Tips to help shift your perspective so you can live a more free and authentic life:
Remember Time is Precious
We often avoid this because it hits hard, but tomorrow may indeed never come. And, a slightly softer truth – even if it does there will be a day that is your very last one. Don’t let this be morbid, let is serves as a daily reminder of the beauty and preciousness of every moment. This is how we live a life without regrets! Embrace is and cherish it.
Choose Memories, not Perfection
Let me ask you, do you regret the family holidays, arguing over which restaurant to go to or the piles of wrapping paper scattered across the floor on Christmas morning? Life is about memories, mess and imperfect as they are. Make memories because you will never regret even the simplest things that you did surrounded by the ones you love. Focus on these events and release the ones that are taking up that precious space in your head.
Listen to your Intuition
Intuition is something we need to tune into way more. Your intuition can serve as your guide, re-correcting your course when you are on a certain path to regret! Learn to listen to yourself, you always have the answers. Your intuition knows when something if ‘off’ in life, when a job is wrong for you or a person can’t be trusted, or something is unsafe. The more you listen to your inner guide, your intuition, the less moments of regret you will have in your life!
A Life with No Regrets Requires Conviction
You need to see, and know with conviction, that your life is worth it. You need to know you are worth the effort it takes to grab the bull by the horns in life and make it what you want it to be. Regret comes from not choosing you! Not standing in the knowledge that this one life you have to live is important enough that you will not settle for a life that leaves you with regrets. Because, if you have regrets that means you have dreams unlived. Dreams never pursued. Possibly dreams never acknowledged! Put a stop to that today! Make a commitment to yourself. Make a change. Choose life over regret. Courage over safety and an unlived life. Steph x Liked this blog? You might like this one too: How Worry Steals Your Joy And Keeps You From Living Your Best Life