One of the first things that you want out of a relationship is honesty. We place a high value on honesty, because without it we don’t know where we stand with people. We don’t know if we can trust them. We feel insecure and vulnerable. Here’s the big question though, how often are we honest with ourselves?
I've thought a lot about self-awareness, authenticity and values and how they feature in our relationship with ourselves. But I haven’t thought a lot about the role of honesty specifically and how it plays into all of this. I guess it never really occurred to me that I wasn’t living an honest life. I mean, I’m an honest person, right! I put out honest, positive energy into the world. But, how honest have I really been with myself?
Whatever I’ve realised is that often we are hiding from ourselves and our own truth. We are not being honest with ourselves when we want honesty from everyone else, above all else. This made me think it's time to step back and look at my own personal honesty.
Being Dishonest with Yourself
Ok, let’s start with what it looks like when you’re not being honest with yourself. This shows up in life, for example, when you are a people pleaser. Trying so hard to make everybody else happy that you’re letting yourself down and not being honest with yourself about the fact that you're putting everyone else first. It looks like joining in on all the gossip at work when part of you feels ick and awful saying hurtful things behind someone’s back. It can also look like telling yourself to stay small and stop yourself chasing your dreams when somewhere inside you long to see yourself succeed. Basically, not being honest with yourself looks like denying yourself for the sake of appearances. For the need to belong.
Not being honest with yourself hurts, and far too often we don’t even realise we’re doing it. Why? Why does it escape us that we’re being dishonest with ourselves? Because we’re living someone else’s truth. Someone or society’s truth. It feels like something we should be okay with. It feels like the standard, the norm. So we go along with it. We deny ourselves in favour of what’s expected. But being dishonest with your own truth, your authentic self, your heart and your dreams will only ever bring you sadness and emptiness.
Being Honest with Yourself
So, we know that there are areas of our life where we haven’t been entirely truthful with ourselves. We know we don’t want to carry on this way and that honesty is one of the most important values that we can have with ourselves. What’s next? What does it look like to be honest with yourself?
Being honest with yourself means taking stock of the way that you’re living, the people you surround yourself with, your work environment and most of all your values. It means tuning in to how different situations (and people) make you feel. Establishing whether or not you’ve been honest with yourself in life starts with knowing your highest values. So if we think about the example of gossiping, and one of your highest values is kindness, isn't it time to ask yourself if you being honest with yourself and your values?
Looking at Values
More on values. If you haven't already, head over and read my blog on values (you will find a list of values to consider for your life). Establishing your values is something people don't spend too much time thinking about because they tend to have this idea that our values are this built-in feature that 'comes naturally' to us. But, here's the thing. Society, family, work etc influences us way more than we realise or would like to admit. And, it most certainly influences our values. When it does, we develop a sadness, anger, frustration that we can't quite put our finger on. Because, we haven't checked in with our values! This is where being honest with yourself comes in.
It's time to take stock. Values, authenticity, honesty, happiness....... they are all cut from the same cloth. Truth! Find your truth. Find what matters to you through establishing your values (and being honest!) and live by them. Allow them to rule your life because they are what shining your light in this life looks like. They are what makes you, you. So, do yourself a favour today and spend just 5min thinking about your values and being completely honest with yourself. Then, enjoy the revelations that will come from that honesty.
Steph x If you enjoyed this blog, head over and check out this one: Follow Your Heart and You Follow Your Purpose JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! 