15 Ways to Set Yourself Free What do I mean ‘set yourself free’? Setting yourself free is, obviously, very specific to each person. There are many people for who the idea of ‘setting yourself free’ is an entirely different concept and experience than it is for others. This blog is about the mindset shifts that are required for us to set ourselves free. It is not intended for those who may need in-depth counselling for years of trauma, although I hope it may serve as a waypoint or lighthouse in some way. This blog is mainly for those that feel like they are constantly one step or one action away from feeling that freedom in their hearts. To help you see that there is light, and to help you take steps in the right direction. Steps towards freeing yourself from some of the shackles and circumstance in life that oftentimes we don’t need to live with. To see that a life worth living starts with you, not the circumstances and experiences around you. 1. Stop Apologizing for Being You We apologize too much! For the way we look, the way we talk, our preferences, our personality types, our feelings. You name it, we apologize for it all! When do we stop this? When do we realize being ourselves has never been something to apologize for? If you really want to set yourself free, you have to do this one thing, right now. Embrace all of you. Every quirk, every emotion, every effort that you have put into this life that you’re living. Ask yourself why you keep telling yourself you’re “too much” or “not enough.” Do these questions come from your true self or from somewhere ‘out there’? And, side note, if you answer ‘from my true self’, you’ve answered from a place of hurt and not your your higher self. Sit with this idea for a moment. You are you, enough as you are. It’s time to stop shrinking to make other people comfortable. What will you stop apologizing for today, and will it set you free just a little bit? 2. Speak Your Truth, Even when Your Voice Shakes Ouch. Boundaries. These are incredibly challenging for many of us. We think we’re causing upset and if you’re the peacekeeper you think letting everyone ‘be happy’ (ie. trample all over you!) is the answer. It’s not. Setting boundaries can absolutely set you free because it establishes respect. It tells the world ‘my voice matters’. This means you respect yourself and believe it or not teaches others that you are worthy of respect. Consider where you need to express yourself more. Whether it’s a boundary or just allowing yourself to sing out loud in your own shower without thinking your family will laugh at you. Allowing self-expression is extremely liberating and healing. Allow yourself to say what needs to be said. It could be “I’m need a break,” “I don’t want to go to that restaurant,” or “you really hurt my feelings when you said that”. 3. Remove the Superwoman Cape Urgh, the pressure of being everything for everyone. Yuck, right! Here’s the problem. It’s a choice. We don’t have to wear the cape. We don’t have to be everything and do everything. It is something we choose because we want to be valued. But it’s time to be brutally honest with yourself. If you get someone else to step in and help, are you any less valuable? This is a major hurdle to setting yourself free because you’ve quite literally molded the chains yourself. Test the waters with this one. Get someone, anyone, else to take a task off your plate. See what happens. You won’t suddenly find yourself discarded by the roadside, I promise you that! You may just find yourself feeling a little less stressed, a little lighter and a little freer though! Trust me, you don’t have to do it all! Rest, ask for help, and let people show up for you too. 4. Remember Your Own Dreams Those women who are flying around in those capes. They are quite often the same women who have pushed their dreams aside. They think it is more important to be there for everyone else. I was in this club. I wanted to be valued (still do, no shame in that). But, there’s room for all of it! That is the big mistake, thinking it’s either or. It’s not. Your desires matter. Your dreams are part of your identity, so when you push them aside, you are pushing yourself aside. The longer you do this, the heavier those shackles feel. To set yourself free means to remember who YOU are and what makes you tick. The dream that was in your heart as a kid needs to be released from its cage like a bird desperate to fly. Ask yourself today ‘what is one thing I can do to reconnect to my dreams?’ 5. Release the Expectations We move through life mostly guided by expectations. We think these expectations are from outside of us (mostly), but (mostly) they are actually from ourselves. When that teacher at school said ‘you can do better’ or your parent said ‘that’s not good enough’, they may have begun the process of piling the weight onto us, but ultimately we get to choose whether we keep it or let it go. Empower yourself to choose. To realize that it really doesn’t matter what anyone says. Ever! It only matters what you choose to believe about what they said. So, for you to set yourself free from this weight, you need to reflect on all the times in your life where the weight of expectations felt too much for you. Then, ask yourself if you’d chosen to see it differently, would the weight have been lifted for you? Could you change your perspective on this now? 6. Say No Without Guilt No is a powerful word, certainly one of the most powerful for setting yourself free to live life on your terms. No allows you to be true to yourself. It allows you to stand firm in your own values and energy. And, it shows everyone that you stand strong in self respect. There doesn’t need to be a negative connotation to this word, either. You can always choose respectful ways to stand up for yourself. Give valid reasons for your no, in a compassionate and gentle way. Practise. Say no to small things and see how it feels before stepping into the boldness of a ‘hell no’. 7. Let Go of the Stories Take a look at your life and ask yourself how much of what you know to be true is actually true, and how much is a story you’ve bought into. What I mean by this is that there are many aspects of our lives that we simply accept because the world around us has painted a picture for us. This can range from how we see the world, ie. Political or religious views or it could be the way the world sees us ie. ‘the quite one’, ‘the good girl’, ‘the overachiever’ or ‘the loudmouth’. Each and every one of us has a story that we live by that describes the person that we are. It is the ‘truth’ that we live by, and yet it quite often isn’t the truth. The person that you are is the person your either accept, based on what you’ve been told OR create based on what you choose and what you will accept. So, if you don’t like the story that describes you in this world, where can you begin to change it? 8. Forgive Yourself There isn’t a perfect person on this planet. While we should always have high expectations of ourselves, we also have to have compassion for our humanity. We have to understand that part of being human is the growth. Every experience you’ve had is an opportunity to grow and to learn and to be better. In those moments when you feel you have fallen short, can you show yourself some compassion? Can you allow yourself to learn without the judgement? When life is hard and you’ve: lost your temper, eaten too much cake, felt jealous or angry; can you see yourself as less than perfect but oh so human and forgive yourself? Can you forgive yourself for the times when you got it wrong, and try to grow from these experiences instead? 
9. Take up some Space Set yourself free by taking up more space! Be heard. Be seen. Let everyone know you’re here, you’re enough and you’re worthy. Here’s the thing, though. Taking up space can be tiny shifts for some people. It can be letting someone know how you feel. Or it can be saying no to something. This is boundaries 101. Know what you need and what matters to you. Then stand up for it. This is about being brave enough to let people know what you need in life. Finding your voice and discovering that sense of empowerment that comes when you set yourself free from that quiet little cage. Be bold, be brave, be you. 10. Reconnect With Your Body This one has really hit home for me recently. I was never really connected to my body beyond the occasional irritation from some ache or other. I just lived in it! Didn’t pay much attention. But, our bodies respond to how we treat them! Fuel your body with good food, dance, take it for a walk or nourish it with yoga. Your body has carried you through it ALL and deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and love. Remember, your body carries wisdom, memories and emotions. You need listen to it. After all, it been through all the same experiences that you have. Has all the same scars that you have. Treat it with kindness. 11. Do Things for Joy! Creativity is the life blood of humanity. It is essential for everyone to feel inspired in this life. This can be art, cooking or simply finding a way to play, dance, sing. We all can set ourselves free in that precious moment of creative inspiration. And the beautiful thing about creativity is it needs no agenda, no schedule or expectation. It just is. Pure joy in every breath, simply to make us feel alive. For me, creativity is our reminder of that spark of the creator in us. It's a reminder that we are creators in our own right and it lights a fire quite unlike anything else can. Being able to bring something to life that didn't exist before YOU got there is a powerful, wonderful, exhilarating feeling! Whether it's a delicious meal, a freestyle dance or a 3ft high sculpture, it doesn't matter! It's life. Joy. Bliss! And it will absolutely set you free, even if just for a moment. So take up the challenge to free yourself with your creativity today! 12. Unfollow and Unplug This is becoming one of the MOST important issues that we can address in this day and age. And increasingly more difficult for people. Simply put down the phone and walk away. For 30 minutes. An hour. A day! What a revelation. I know this is hard, but ask yourself what could you gain by setting yourself free of the absolute trap that is media? Temporarily. See how you feel if you walk away for 20min. See what you do! I bet you will find that point no. 11 comes into play quite quickly. Inspiration comes knocking. You desperately reach out for some for of entertainment because, after all your brain has been trained to seek it, and now it is up to you! What can you achieve in these 20min? How will you feel as you head back to pick up that phone or switch on that TV? Try it and see. 13. Stop Waiting for Permission I feel like this one needs to be shouted from the top of a mountain. We are all guilty of this, whether we realize it or not. Always asking for permission. Sometimes even on a subconscious level. But, who’s permission are you asking for? And why do you need it? Set yourself free from idea that you need approval for everything that YOU want and need from life. You don’t. You need your own approval. I always feel like I need to add a note here that this doesn’t mean you don’t respect the opinions of others, blah de blah. But, isn’t this another form of seeking approval. Lol. You get what I’m saying, don’t you. It’s always there, lurking in the recesses of our minds. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Be a good person, do the right things and allow yourself to make your own choices that are good for your soul! With OR without permission. 14. Choose your Company Wisely It is remarkably freeing to be around people who get you. People who let you be yourself. An environment where we can let our guard down, relax, laugh out loud, is a healing environment. This is not to be taken lightly. It is a safe space for our souls. Choose to spend time with people who get you, hold space for you, cherish you and want to see you living your best life. That’s the kind of love that sets you free. 15. Come Home to Yourself What does it mean to come home to yourself? This overly ‘connected’ world has taken us away from ourselves. Away from our peace, our truth and each other. It has created an illusion of connection while slowly breaking us apart. But, if you take the time to start re-connecting with yourself first, it will begin a process of healing that will slowly ripple out into our beautiful world. This blog has been about setting yourself free, but what if setting ourselves free is the beginning of setting the world free? I believe that finding love and peace within ourselves is the starting point but it is only the beginning. Let’s take our first step on this journey that ultimately sets us all free, through truth, love and acceptance. We are all part of this human family, let’s be free together! Where to Start This isn’t a steps 1 through 15 kind of thing. This is a process of self-awareness. Which point calls to you in the moment? Tap into that and then keep coming back to this to remind yourself of what matters, of where you need to allow yourself the space to be free as a human and a soul on this journey. And, one last reminder. Freedom isn’t something ‘out there’ that we can reach for and grab. It is a feeling, an emotion, a letting go and and accepting all at the same time. Freedom is a choice that exists inside you. Setting yourself free is something only you can give to yourself, so take the first step today. Steph x If you enjoyed this blog, head over and check out this one: 10 Ways to Choose Joy
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15 Ways to Set Yourself Free
